JONO TOSCH


MODERN LONELINESS

Corn chips are a processed food product and loneliness dwells
inside of them. There is a substantial wad of loneliness on each
chip. Phony cheese is another processed food product
and phony cheese is probably the loneliest food product
on Earth. One drum of phony cheese could ruin any army.
The Russian army tests phony cheese on the prisoners it takes
and the results are spectacular amounts of globular orange
tears. People should not confuse the loneliness created
by phony cheese for misery. The two emotions are distinct.
Misery is created by exposure to bad music. Loneliness
is created by repeated exposure to second rate foods.
There is so much loneliness encapsulated in a Hostess Ding Dong
that standing by one for more than half an hour will produce
an astonishing sadness. This is what I have heard. Loneliness
is very real and you should take precautions around it.
 
 
 
 
I USED TO BE ANTI-HAM BUT THEN I BECAME ANTI- TURKEY

My half uncle made his entire fortune operating porno cabinets in
Jersey.

Then he became anti-Porno cabinets after a horrible biking
accident.

He was in his mid-fifties and his wife was anti-Him being in his mid-
fifties.

I couldn’t relate to him one shred. It had nothing to do with porno
cabinets or his age.

A really fat man spent fifty million dollars running for a senate seat
and he lost.

This was what drove me and my uncle apart.
I didn’t have any opinion about the matter at all
and he had a strong opinion about it.

Before his accident he had no opinions whatsoever.

When he was recovering, he started to have a few
stupid opinions

like about bottled water and brands of socks.
We all chalked it up

to spending too much time in the hospital.
He was a big smoker and hospitals are anti-Smokers.

Have you ever been to one of those places?

I have.

I swore I would never eat lasagna again
after I was hospitalized for a week
from eating too much lasagna.

My uncle lived in the area at the time
and he would visit me with his opinions.

Sometimes just his opinions would visit me,
and those were the saddest days.
 
 
 
 



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